Doswell Man Finds Waving a Handgun Exempts Him from Audience Participation-Style Musicals and Comedy Performances

Westbend (R) getting ready to whip it out

Stating that his years of being embarrassed when suddenly picked to participate in local drama productions, high school musicals, cruise ship magic shows and theme park variety performances are over, Blanton Road resident Charlie Westbend has found a novel way to avoid being picked unexpectedly from those audience participation-style performances.

“Yes, I carry a handgun, and I’m not shy about waving it,” says the frustrated fan, who states he loves the theater but “have embarrassed myself for the last time” when it comes to audience involvement in those performances.

“Audience participation is a lose-lose proposition,” claims Westbend, who loves the 2nd amendment more than hokey stage performers. “If you refuse – like I tried to do during an animal act at the Pallazio in Reno, Nevada some years ago – they make you look like a spoil sport at best and a total asshole at worst. Then, if you agree and go up on stage, they make you look like an idiotic loser, like that hypnotist comedian on the Carnival Princess did when we went took a cruise to Freeport in 2008. I mean, how was I supposed to know I not only got an erection but my bowels released when hypnotized? It was humiliating.”

Westbend says that his current way of exempting himself from being picked for these types of performances so far is foolproof. “Once the handgun comes out, they immediately back away and pick somebody else for their little act. It’s a good thing too they don’t know the gun ain’t loaded.”