By Art Mutt, NFD Guest liberal columnist
According to its latest annual report, the Planned Parenthood Federation of America received $487.4 million in tax dollars over a twelve-month period while performing 329,455 abortions and only 2,405 adoption referrals, marking the most productive year yet for the nation’s largest and most efficient baby-killing government-funded monolith.
According to its latest annual report, the Planned Parenthood Federation of America received $487.4 million in tax dollars over a twelve-month period while performing 329,455 abortions and only 2,405 adoption referrals, marking the most productive year yet for the nation’s largest and most efficient baby-killing government-funded monolith.
“We are thrilled with the latest statistics,” claimed PPFA President Cecile Richards from her 9th circle underground sewer, surrounded by feces-flinging faceless homunculi. “We achieved a reimbursement rate of $1,478 and some change in taxpayer money for every abortion we performed. That’s higher than Medicaid reimbursements for nursing home care! We are proud and thrilled with the progress we are making in ridding America of those undesirables – plus getting all that taxpayer dough is just icing on the cake.”
President Obama called in his congratulations from his Disneyworld villa upon hearing the news. “If only the Post Office were as efficient as Planned Parenthood!” he joked.
The latest report shows an almost steady increase in the number of abortions performed at its clinics from previous years: In 2006, Planned Parenthood oversaw 289,750 abortions; in 2007, it was 305,310; in 2009, 331,796; and, in 2010, it did 329,445 – a small decrease from the previous year.
“2010 was a tough year for eugenics – oops I mean women’s rights,” stated Richards, correcting herself. “While we performed fewer abortions, we only had 841 adoption referrals, so in comparison we actually outperformed other years, but the spreadsheets don’t always portray the true story.”
“But today we are back on top, continuing our founder Margaret Sanger’s goal of producing a ‘race of thoroughbreds’, or like Bela Lugosi once said “A rrrrace of supermen!”
But not everyone is celebrating Planned Parenthood’s exciting year. Pro-life extremist, right-wing woman-hating teabagging baby-hugging president of the Susan B. Anthony List, Marjorie Dannenfelser called the organization an “abortion giant” that deserves – gasp – defunding.
“With over a billion in net assets and a business model centered on abortion and government subsidies, it is time for Planned Parenthood to end its reliance on taxpayer dollars,” Dannenfelser said in a statement. “Despite an unprecedented effort by statewide and federal leaders to defund them, a wave of former employees willing to testify against them, Planned Parenthood continues full-steam ahead.”
“Dannenfelser is crazy,” stated Richards as she tore the meat off a bird-like carcass with finely-honed dagger-like teeth at a table adorned with candelabras made from human skulls, “What she doesn’t realize is the more babies we kill in the womb, the fewer elderly people nutty republicans like her will be able to eventually push off cliffs in their wheelchairs. So she is angry that we are depriving her and others like her of that pleasure.”
“So it just makes good business sense.”
President Obama called in his congratulations from his Disneyworld villa upon hearing the news. “If only the Post Office were as efficient as Planned Parenthood!” he joked.
The latest report shows an almost steady increase in the number of abortions performed at its clinics from previous years: In 2006, Planned Parenthood oversaw 289,750 abortions; in 2007, it was 305,310; in 2009, 331,796; and, in 2010, it did 329,445 – a small decrease from the previous year.
“2010 was a tough year for eugenics – oops I mean women’s rights,” stated Richards, correcting herself. “While we performed fewer abortions, we only had 841 adoption referrals, so in comparison we actually outperformed other years, but the spreadsheets don’t always portray the true story.”
“But today we are back on top, continuing our founder Margaret Sanger’s goal of producing a ‘race of thoroughbreds’, or like Bela Lugosi once said “A rrrrace of supermen!”
But not everyone is celebrating Planned Parenthood’s exciting year. Pro-life extremist, right-wing woman-hating teabagging baby-hugging president of the Susan B. Anthony List, Marjorie Dannenfelser called the organization an “abortion giant” that deserves – gasp – defunding.
“With over a billion in net assets and a business model centered on abortion and government subsidies, it is time for Planned Parenthood to end its reliance on taxpayer dollars,” Dannenfelser said in a statement. “Despite an unprecedented effort by statewide and federal leaders to defund them, a wave of former employees willing to testify against them, Planned Parenthood continues full-steam ahead.”
“Dannenfelser is crazy,” stated Richards as she tore the meat off a bird-like carcass with finely-honed dagger-like teeth at a table adorned with candelabras made from human skulls, “What she doesn’t realize is the more babies we kill in the womb, the fewer elderly people nutty republicans like her will be able to eventually push off cliffs in their wheelchairs. So she is angry that we are depriving her and others like her of that pleasure.”
“So it just makes good business sense.”
