Friday, December 9, 2011

National Association of Men with Slicked-Back Hair Object to Embattled MF Global CEO Jon Corzine Showing up in Court with Slicked-Back Hair

Corzine with normal dry hair as NJ Governor (L) and yesterday at hearing with
slicked-back hair (R): The felon is gellin'.

Saying they are fighting a losing battle in the media and in Hollywood against negative stereotypes of men with slicked-back hair, the National Association of Men with Slicked-Back Hair issued a court-order against MF Global head Jon Corzine for showing up any more with slicked-back hair for hearings with the Agricultural Committee to answer questions about the collapse of his brokerage firm and the disappearance of up to $1.2 billion in customer money.

“Again, we are fighting a negative stereotype,” stated Association president Ray Swartz, whose past battles with Hollywood were widely reported in May, 2008. “By showing up in court with slicked-back hair, Corzine is only reinforcing the stereotype that men with slicked-back hair are corrupt, emotionless, manipulative greedy assholes.”

Corzine – already a walking example of the Peter Principle, as outlined in the famous 1969 book by Dr. Laurence J. Peter that states that In a hierarchically structured administration, people tend to be promoted up to their level of incompetence – has been fired from Goldman-Sachs, been voted out of the Senate and the New Jersey Governor’s office, and is now answering questions as to what happened to about $1.2 billion of investors money that seems to have disappeared while he was CEO of MF Global, a brokerage firm. Corzine insists that everything is being done to locate the missing money, including looking behind the lunch room refrigerator, under the break room sofa cushions and in his other pants pockets, where he thinks he may have left it.

Corzine in his testimony was also harsh in regards to the trouble he had adapting the new look in DC. “This [Washington] doesn’t look like a one-horse town,” Corzine said in response to a barrage of questioning from Senators Joel and Ethan Coen about his new look, “But try finding a decent hair jelly.”

“Add to the fact that Corzine is not only incompetent and corrupt, but now wears his hair slicked-back, only complements his inadequacies in the financial sector,” states Swartz. “I wonder if his PR people realize what they are doing, and why he is such as willing stooge for the slicked-back look, given his career choice.”

It is unknown why Corzine elected to start wearing slicked-back hair, although some have speculated he is trying to emulate Michael Douglas’ character Gordon Gekko in the movie “Wall Street”, or possibly any number of other slicked-back film and television villains and buttwipes, including Count Dracula, Christopher Walken, Alec Baldwin Steven Seagal and Japanese gangsters,

“Whatever he’s trying to do, the AMSBH is hopeful our cease and desist order will be in effect, and that he will resume wearing his hair dry and natural.” Said Swartz.