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| The Brumfield guys in happier times, when they're not arguing about the crappy ladder. Jake at left seems to be having trouble breathing. |
Doswell blogger, dad and incurable home handyman Dale Brumfield Sunday had to set his kids down and explain the realities of ladder ownership after weathering numerous complaints from twin sons Hunter and Jake regarding the lack of confidence they had in the rickety, unstable ladder they had to stand on while putting up Christmas decorations.
“You should have heard the complaining about my ladder,” Brumfield said, “But they need to understand the unwritten rule is you can only buy one ladder in your lifetime. And just because my ladder is over 22 years old and getting ready to bust apart doesn’t mean I can just drop everything and go buy a new one. No, I’m afraid a ladder is forever.”
The boys disagree, maintaining that their dad is just too cheap to go buy a new one. “I guess one of us has to ride that ladder to the ground before dad realizes it has seen better days,” said Jake.
Dad disagrees, stating that part of the beauty of being a successful home handyman is the hair-raising uncertainty that frequently accompanies standing on the top rung of a creaking, leaning ladder while you clean a gutter, unstop a chimney or nail down errant roof tiles. “They have yet to experience that jolt of adrenaline you get when you’re way up a ladder against the side of the house, juggling a paint roller, pan and brush when that ladder suddenly scoots a foot to the right when you’re least expecting it. I tell you, there’s nothing like it.”
Brumfield relates an amusing anecdote that occurred years ago at his Bellevue home in Richmond’s north side. “I had my ladder extended all the way out, leaning against the slope of my roof, and I was on the top rung scraping paint in the eaves when that ladder suddenly slid like it was greased across the roof and only stopping when it hit the downspout. And below me was a pointed picket fence that would have speared me like a cheap Brumfield shish-kabob if I fell. But I learned a valuable lesson from that horrific experience, and that was to tie off my ladder with tie-wire to the chimney when I was up that high.”
His sons, however, are not impressed. “I’m not using that piece of sh*t ladder for anything,” said Hunter. “If I can’t reach it on my tiptoes it ain’t worth reaching.”
Brumfield also discounts alternatives to standing on a busted ladder, including stacked paint buckets, tall chairs or dangling from an open window above the spot being worked on.
Dad Dale says that his boys better get used to it. “My dad had the same ladder for over 40 years,” he claims, “so mine has plenty of good, unstable, erratic and heart-stopping years left.”
Dad Dale says that his boys better get used to it. “My dad had the same ladder for over 40 years,” he claims, “so mine has plenty of good, unstable, erratic and heart-stopping years left.”
