In the wake of government funding cuts, Planned Parenthood wandered inside the Federal Senate budget appropriations office, scared and confused, wondering what the future held after it found is was bloated with an excess of $3.5 million in a budgeting “accident”. The Senate coldly took Planned Parenthood’s name and information, explained that there were no other options, and promptly aborted the excess in regional funding from its 2010-2011 budget, leaving Planned Parenthood alone and sobbing on the sidewalk.“They gave me no alternative” the “family planning” organization claimed when the ghastly procedure was over. “We offered to divert funds, or donate the money to sister organizations, even hold it over until the next fiscal year, but no, they said they knew what was best for me before they strapped me to a table and sliced my budget open, vacuumed out the line items and discarded them in a trash can. It was horrible.”
“The Senate didn’t even ask who the paternal instigator of the legislation was,” Planned Parenthood wailed outside the Congressional budget Office, “They said they didn’t want to know, since legally he no longer held any responsibility anyway.”
“The creators of line-item budgets for entities such as Planned Parenthood are of no interest to us,” claimed the anonymous Senate hatchet man who excised the monies from Planned Parenthood’s inflated and doughy midsection, “The law is clear on this matter. Besides, the monies Planned Parenthood unexpectedly found inside itself was not viable, unable to survive outside the organization, and hardly adoptable by any other federally-controlled women’s health organization.”
“It was also done for the good of everyone involved to abort the monies so as not to be a future burden on other government women’s health alliances” He said.
Meanwhile, Planned Parenthood says it is writing off the experience as a learning experience and plans to budget much more carefully in the future, perhaps using more prophylactic measures when interacting with other Senate or House members on budgeting issues. “I plan to keep my books closed.” It claimed, saying that it will probably instead utilize oral exchanges such as those preferred during the Clinton Administration.
