North Telegraph Road resident and hopeless ne’er-do-well John Irvin hopes to finally hit the big time and be on the right side of this Christmas’s hottest must-have item: His gift set of Night Sweat – the first roll-on cologne “for today’s action man”.
“Night Sweat is a musky, feral scent that draws on man’s most basic lifestyle characteristics, including hard work, morning breath, frantic exercise and nervous anxiety,” says Irvin. “The man who wears Night Sweat is a man who takes chances in life; who works 20-hour days at his blue collar job, bathes infrequently, drinks a lot of inexpensive bourbon and possibly even smokes cheap, flavored cigars.”
“The Night Sweat man is single, lives alone, worries a lot about money and lives in constant fear of an ex-wife, family history, certified mail and a federal audit. The Night Sweat man has suspicious moles, blood-tinged urine, odd aches and pains and irregular bowel movements. The Night Sweat man eats fast food, undercooked red meat, too much soda and a lot of beer.”
Irvin says Night Sweat will be available in all fine retailers by December 15, including Dollar Tree, Roses, Dollar General, Factory Outlet, Big Lots and N&W Salvage in Sandston.
