At Doswell Speakers Consortium, George Bush Claims he Left White House in “Disarray”

Former President George W. Bush spoke at the 2^nd bimonthly installment of the Doswell speaker’s consortium Sunday night and admitted to leaving the White House in disarray at his exit.

“I am not proud of some of the things I did,” Bush said just after a dinner of that delicious spaghetti prepared by the Doswell “Ruriteens”. “I acted in ways that were not presidential, and I regret those actions.”

For example, the former President admitted his last day at the white house he emptied all the salt shakers and filled them with white milk. “You don’t notice until you go to shake them, then your food has been ruined by the milk.” He said. He also said he loosened the pepper shaker caps so they would dump all the pepper out. He also collected his toenail clippings for a year, then sprinkled them all over the white house, including in the carpet and in his bed. “If you’ve ever slept in a bed crawling with toenail clippings you know it is a horrible thing to have to endure.” He said.

Bush said he was especially ashamed of the practical joke he played on the Obamas in the bathrooms. “I lifted the toilet seats and wrapped Saran Wrap across the toilet bowls, then put the seats and lids back down” he claims. “In dim light it especially hard to see, and the results of this joke can be appalling.” Bush said the one bathroom he did not Saran Wrap was in the Lincoln bedroom. “I super-glued the seat and lid to the bowl,” he said, “I hear Barack broke a fingernail on that one.”

Other pranks played by the ex-President on the Obamas include discreetly wrapping a rubber band around the spray nozzle at the kitchen sink, shutting off the hot water heater and loosening all the light bulbs just enough so they flicker or don’t light at all.

“I left a legacy of goofball behavior of which I am most ashamed,” the now-retired Bush claimed, adding that he hopes the Obamas forgives him those lapses in judgment. “and I hope they discovered the Saran Wrap before it was too late.”