Doswell Bodybuilder with Multiple Shifting Moles Finally Agrees to Picture and InterviewPlantation Road resident and amateur bodybuilder Billy Greene agreed to have his picture taken and be interviewed for Newsfromdoswell in response to multiple inquiries from the thousands of daily readers of the popular blog who simply did not believe someone would intentionally do that much damage to their skin.
“Since the ‘teaser’ article about me May 7 of this year (click here for the original post) I realized many folks might be interested in seeing the man who has multiple shifting and pulsing moles of many different colors and shapes,” explained Greene, shown here posing with his oddly augmented girlfriend Vanna. “As a former lifeguard, I can say that while I am averse to the current tattooing trend, I see absolutely no harm in pursuing the most rich, deep and awesome tan I possibly can, both to enhance my amateur bodybuilding career and be more attractive to the chicks, who I understand dig a guy who’s really, really tan and who has an animated mole cartoon projecting 24/7 across his chest and back.”
While the dozens of pre-cancerous skin lesions are not readily visible due to his ghastly distressed-stegosauras-like skin, up close he is a case study of volcanic skin eruptions of absolutely colossal proportions, much like the animations you see on the History channel of what the earth looked like 100,000 years ago. Resembling more a 30-year-old $2 leather handbag in the final clearance bin at the local Goodwill, and looking forward to a future filled with injections of dicarbizene and interferon, Greene claims he is not at all concerned about the future of his sun-worshipping lifestyle. “The sun won’t hurt you,” he says with mock authority, “Circus Peanuts, Purple marshmallow Peeps and diet Pepsi – now those are the real killers.”
The sclerodermic, statue-like Vanna was unavailable for comment, being unable to form syllables on her lips due to her most recent series of Botox injections, teeth whiteners, collagen implants and Bulimic projectile vomits, all done within the past thirty minutes. She did a good job of posing and smiling, however.
Meanwhile, Greene continues to fill his days with lying in tanning salons, working out and working part-time as an aluminum storm window telemarketer. “I hope to be the color of Dollar Tree chocolate syrup by next Memorial day.” He says.
We don’t doubt him.
