Bullfield Road resident Sherwin Willoughby now realizes that purchasing a Komodo Dragon for a pet in an insane effort to be “tough” was a horrifyingly stupid idea. “Most people get a Pit Bull, or a Great Dane when they want to project an aura of tough invincibility,” said Willoughby from the temporary safety of the roof of his house, “I went the extra step and paid over . . . well, a heck of a lot of money to buy the toughest pet I could find. I pictured myself walking the streets of Richmond with a Komodo on a studded leash, people giving me wide berth.”
“I certainly have learned a lot about these beasts from the depths of hell since ‘Frisky’ (above) showed up from Indonesia,” he said as he scoured the ground and the niches of his roof in a desperate effort to see if Frisky was gaining on him. “For example, even though Komodos are 10 feet long they can run at 11 mph, for days if necessary. They are also ravenous meat-eating predators. When I let him out of the crate he found my 2 cats, Waldo and Mr. Pepper, in a matter of seconds. It was like watching a wood-chipper.”
Willoughby says he is “temporarily” living on his roof for self-preservation reasons. “When I let Frisky out he made lightning-quick work of the cats then disappeared somewhere inside my house after chasing me up here on the roof.” Willoughby says that at night he can hear occasional thumping and bumping inside the house. “I know he’s still in there, probably setting traps for me.”
Willoughby also admits he did no research on the terrifying animals prior to his purchase. “Did you know their saliva contains over 50 types of toxic bacteria? I researched it on my cell phone before it died. Oh, yea – even if I escape one of his brutal, bone-crushing attacks he’ll just track me for a day or two until I drop dead of blood poisoning, then devour me in two or three bites.”
Willoughby says he cannot report the Dragon to animal control, since it is illegal to own one. “But jail would be preferable to living with an escaped Komodo. I’ll turn myself in right now if I wasn’t so scared of getting off this roof.”
