Furious Ten-High Boulevard resident Wally Kimball is going door-to-door in Doswell to get volunteers to form a posse to go after Richard Alford, who sold him his 1981 Buick Skylark (left) after CarMax refused to purchase it.
“I get my hands on that punk I’ll hit him so hard when he wakes up his clothes will be out of style!” shouted the apoplectic Kimball, using a surprisingly clever metaphor as he goes through the trailer court conscripting residents to find Alford and get his money back.
Alford claims “let the buyer freakin’ beware” as he cringes in a shed behind his house on Verdon Road. “But for God’s sake don’t tell that lunatic where I’m hiding,” he whispered from his well-protected lair at the corner of Old Telegraph road and Verdon, just behind the abandoned garage. Alford says he knew the car was crap, and informed buyer Kimball of as much, but Kimball apparently let his desire to finally get some affordable wheels override his common sense.
Kimball claims Alford “misrepresented” various features of the car. “He said it had a GPS, but what he meant was people could find me by the clouds of blue and black smoke,” he shouted. “He told me that all ’81 Skylarks had two pair of vice grips clamped to the steering column instead of a steering wheel, and that the nameplate ‘Skylark’ on the back was an anti-theft device.”
Currently Kimball has rounded up a dozen or so trailer court residents who don’t have anything else to do than walk around trying to find Alford. “After I give him this car back I’m gonna hit him so hard his whole family will hurt!” He yelled, wearing the punching metaphor a little thin.
