Verdon Road housewife and mother of two youngsters Linda Westham has given up trying to find a tasteful female Halloween costume that does not make her and her daughter look like “Out-of-work $4 Disneyland metal-head groupie prostitutes”.“I went into Spirit this past weekend and was absolutely appalled at the trashy selection of women’s costumes this year,” complains Westham, who says women’s costumes’ “slut-factor” has been a growing trend over the past several years. “I could spend $56 and be crack-whore Snow White in a see-thru mini with a fur-collar bodice, or I could be a streetwalker she-devil; the costume for that one is basically a red bikini, cheap, poorly-made ankle-shattering chunky stilettos and two little red horns for $40. Give me a freakin’ break – soon we’re going to have to shop for Halloween costumes wearing a trench coat in a little back room.”
Westham claims Teen girls and even pre-teen girl’s costumes are no better. “My 6-year-old wanted to be either a goth cheerleader, with ripped butt-cheek-baring black tights, industrial-strength eyeliner and the bare midriff or the STD girl scout that came with size 2 high heels, handkerchief-size mini and an HIV-negative certificate from the health department. I won’t even go into what the merit badges were for. They even had a skimpy prison outfit for young girls called ‘Jailbait Jailbird’. I told her she could be jailbait jailbird over my dead emo fishnet-ensconced anorexic Tammie-Faye Bakker-OD-on-Quaaludes body.”
“I went over to Party City and their selection was no better,” Westham complained. “Seriously, how many variations on the trashy porno has-been alcoholic French maid costumes can there be? Of course, my 12-year-old son would die of embarrassment if I dressed up in the ‘Slovakian Heroin addict candy-striper truck stop pole dancer’ costume, so that’s a plus.”
Disgusted with the local selection, Westham went online for help. “Forget that,” she claimed, “Try Googling ‘women Halloween costumes’. You get a hundred pages of the same slutty, thigh-baring boob-enhancing nursery-rhyme-themed garbage.”
Westham’s husband Walter was equally disgusted as he perused the female costume selections online. “Absolutely inappropriate.” He said as he downloaded picture after picture on his flash-drive. “The industry should be ashamed.”
