A fart cloud released sometime Wednesday near the front door of the Doswell post office shows no sign of dispersal, according to “nosewitnesses” who have passed through it.
Post office employee Emma Wilson says that everybody who comes inside has a “disgusted expression” or has their nose wrinkled after passing through the distinctly noxious patch, which seems to hang relentlessly about 15 feet north of the outdoor mailbox and 30 feet from the front door of the neighboring Stop n’ Go convenience mart. “I use the back door, so I have not walked through it,” claims Wilson, “but a lot of people come in here asking if the previous patron burned the popcorn because the smell is apparently still out there.”
Speculation on who could have created such a lethal and long-lasting stink is rampant throughout the Doswell community. “I think it may have been the Carytown-style guy,” says Wilson, “he looks like the kind who would eat lots of nuts and berries and dry cereal - stuff that would precipitate such an emission. Either him or that man from the future who was here for the town forum. Can you even smell a fart through a spacesuit?”
Other community leaders have differing opinions who may have left the immovable gassy reminder of their presence. “It could have been anybody,” says Ramud Dumar, the palindrome-named owner of the Stop n’ Go, “Lots of folks here in Doswell eat lots of beans and fried foods and Andy Capp Hot Fries, many from right here in my store. But as Vishnu is my witness, it took a special person to drop an f-bomb that dense and make it last as long as it has. Shew! Mama.”
Plans to bring in a Lysol truck to bury the odor have not been considered yet.
