Doswell resident Dale Brumfield spoke for almost 6 hours at his most recent presentation and book signing at the Augusta County Friends of the Library near Fishersville, VA, prompting many of the attendees to doze, shift uncomfortably and, most noticeably, get up and leave.
“Now listen here,” he admonished one guest as she reluctantly purchased one of his books, Three Buck Naked Commodes: and 18 MoreTales from a Small Town, “Those stories were facinating, and there’s no reason why all of you could not have laughed more heartily at them.”
“Well, his stories started out OK,” said guest Sally Wallford, who preferred to remain anonymous, “but he started going off about this story of his dad digging the seat belts out from under the seats of their 1968 Cadillac on Sunday, and although his recall of that 40-year-old event is remarkable, it just was not that interesting. I’m sorry, it wasn’t.” Whoops, she was supposed to be anonymous.
“The one about his pet rabbit that ran under the stairs in 1966 and he couldn’t get it out, making them late for some parade was the final straw for me,” claimed Staunton resident George Kauffman, “It was a story that could have been told in 1 minute – no, in 10 seconds – but Brumfield stretched it out for over 15 minutes, always stopping to clarify, or backing up to relate some insignificant detail that he forgot – man, it was deadly.”
“I’m only buying his book because he said if we didn’t he would keep telling those awful stories,” says a Waynesboro woman who wouldn’t slow down long enough to tell us her name. “I mean, OK, he always ordered a hamburger with just mustard when he was a kid. Big flipping deal.”
Brumfield noted that he thought his presentation was riveting, and couldn’t understand the negative reactions. “People just need to realize that stories from my childhood are mesmerizing, and treat them as such. There is no reason to get up and leave just because it takes me 20 minutes to correct the timeline and the order in which my Mom used to make bean soup. It's those details that make a story come alive.”
“Three Buck Naked Commodes” is available on all the online booksellers, in case anyone is still interested.
