It was going to be another fun summer day at Lake Anna for Doswell brother and sister Duane (age 9) and Nora (age 12) Lamb until a busload of physically disabled people from St. Anthony’s Rehabilitation Hospital in Stafford arrived and freaked the kids out.
“There was a guy hopping on his one leg down the sand into the water!” screeched Duane, who insisted that Nora told him that if he got in the water after that his leg would fall off, too. “I don’t want my leg to fall off!”
Nora finally stopped lying to her brother and dry-heaving long enough offer her perspective on the group. “Ew! Yuck!” she screamed as she watched a man with no arms struggle out of his t-shirt. “Gross!”
“Obviously, children at that age who have lived relatively sheltered lives are disturbed by those who they perceive as different,” says St. Anthony’s spokeswoman Audra Langford. “But those two kids are just spoiled-rotten punks.”
“I offered to talk to the two kids about how I lost my hands in Iraq,” said Desert Storm veteran and former army captain John Eisle, “But they chose to just screech like brats. Now, I’m usually not one to remove my prosthetics and wave my arms in kids’ faces, but I can make an exception.”
Clueless Parents John and Maggie Lamb offered no explanations to their children about the disabled people, nor stressed empathy and understanding, instead choosing to let them scream and wail at the presence of the group. “Well, so much for our day at the lake,” said John as he slipped back into his loafers and started rounding up their belongings.
But the St. Anthony’s group was undeterred. Frustrated and annoyed by the unbelievable histrionics of the Lamb kids, they decided to band together and recreate a scene from the 1932 movie “Freaks”. They formed a circle around the family, then starting dancing and chanting “Gooble gobble, gooble gobble, one of us, one of us!”
Well, that did the trick. Now the whole Lamb family is on Xanax.
