Thanks to Newsfromdoswell’s story of August 2 regarding the clean-shaven Nate Walthington fearing he was not welcome in Ellwood Thompson’s Natural Foods Market in Richmond because he did not sport a beard, Ellwood Thompson’s Market has announced they will offer free clip-on beards and clear wire-frame glasses to any male shopper who requests them.“We want all of our shoppers, female and male, to feel comfortable when shopping in our store.” Said a man who we presumed was named Ellwood but in actuality is named Wallace Bradley, store spokesman. “Therefore we are happy to announce that free clip-on beards will be available at the front door for any man desiring one. And while we do periodically see bearded ladies shopping in our store, we will be happy to issue females one as well.”
Bradley said the beards will be shampooed, blow-dried and brushed in between wearers to ensure hygiene safety. “It is just another of our customer service initiatives to make us the best food store in the city, so rest assured the beard you strap on will be fresh and clean – actually probably fresher and cleaner than many of the real beards you see in here. Especially that one guy.”
The beards will eventually be available in a variety of colors and styles to fit virtually any guy. "We will have the colors you expect, in the styles you demand." says Bradley
Contacted in Doswell, Walthington was happy to hear of the development, and looks forward to shopping frequently at the market. “But forget it if they start making us wear Crocs or ponchos or any other wacky clothing.”
The beards will be made by local homeschoolers out of real human hair, bonded with cyanoacrylate, and other acetone-based cements, then coated with toluene and halogenated solvents.
