Stating that her 1997 procedure was “a mistake”, Blanton Road resident Alice Beasley got her tonsil removal reversed at Regional Memorial Medical Center.
The donor tonsils came from a 7-year-old female brought in by her parents recently on an unrelated minor medical condition. Once the consent form was signed, the tonsils were removed and placed in Ms. Beasley without incident.
“I feel whole again,” stated an elated Beasley after the procedure, noting that she now looks forward to a lifetime of more unnecessary, pointless and painful surgeries, including an ear switch, a mirror-image lip shift, an umbilical cord reconnection, an anus flip, a mole transplant, a non-chemical scalp shred, a taste bud deadening, a permanent sunglasses implant, a reverse graduated toe reposition on both feet, a vertical orbital eye socket reset, permanent temporary tattoos, an Isle of Langerhans exterior displacement, a kidney shuffle, a tongue forking, an epiglottis extension, a lance boiling, an optic nerve scraping, a breast inversion and having that second head removed from the middle of her back.
Oh, and also foot fat pad augmentation, a lower octave voice restringing, nose hair implants, her pores swept, a sweat gland purification, a bowel inflation, a tooth softening, a carcinoma white-out, a permanent skin tag sweep n’ clip, Leech applications, sinus cleansing and something called a butt crack spackling.
