John Binghamton, Plantation Road resident and CEO of the recently bankrupt Richmond-based MegaTech LLC, rises at 4:30 AM every Thursday through Sunday to drive to the Ladysmith Flea market, hoping his prudent fiscal brand solution theories translate into thriving tube sock sales.“Sine we closed the consulting firm in June, I pondered several ways to apply my experiences with synergistic cross-platforms initiating leveraged technological peer patterns with man-made deliverables.” He says with alarming casualness. “Tube sock sales are an evolving mercantile paradigm, therefore they offered the perfect project/object service vision.”
Binghamton spends hours developing spreadsheets, business plans and reports to support his “integrated implementation of tube-like over-the-calf, heel-less cotton foot coverings” justifying his booth rental to his wife. “Madge told me to get away from the computer and ‘just get in there and sell the damn socks’, but hers is a plebian attitude that’s overly simplistic in its priorities. She fails to understand the background front-end architecture that drives tube sock macroeconomics.”
How are his theories working? “Regretfully, sales deficiencies seem to be based on short-sighted operational dictums that do not advocate cross-promotional returns. I am spending the next week developing a multi-tab spreadsheet to analyze these retail deficits.”Ultimately, since tube sock (left) sales were so minimal, Madge changed the locks on the house and left legal papers in the mailbox for the mush-mouthed marketing “genius”. “Madge failed to be codified in scope of my implementive processes,” he whines as he heats a hot dog under a hand dryer in a truck stop bathroom, “so currently I am between wives and living in my car.”
