Doswell Man Makes Changes to Sub Sandwich Purchasing Procedures

Claiming that he has “done it exactly the same way for years”, Telegraph Road resident Marvin Johnson Jr. (pictured) has decided to make wholesale changes to the way he orders, pays for and eats sub sandwiches purchased and eaten in-house at local eateries.

“First, instead of a 6” tuna melt on white with lettuce and mayo, I now order a 12” cold cut combo, with provolone, tomatoes and ketchup on wheat,” says the daring Johnson, who is definitely now walking on the wild side. “There will be no toasting or heating of the sandwich anymore – that was the old Marvin Johnson Jr.”

Secondly, and most importantly, Johnson says he no longer stares at the sandwich as it is being prepared. “Like everybody else, I always stared, without blinking, at the sandwich as it was being created,” says Johnson. “Now, I order the sub then stare at the face of the person making it. Yes, it makes them uncomfortable, but it is a change that had to be made. Let all the others stare at the sandwich – not Marvin Johnson Jr.”

Lastly, Johnson says he no longer will pay for the sandwich with cash. “It’s debit card from now on for Marvin Johnson Jr.” he claims, delighting in hearing himself repeat his own name. And while he used to either forego chips altogether, opting only for a small sweet tea, he has elected to make Andy Capp Hot Fries a mandatory addition to his sub sandwich purchase. “If the Hot Fries are not available, I will go to my backup plan – baked Lays.” He claims. “And forget the medium sweet tea – Marvin Johnson Jr. has made the leap to a large Mountain Dew.”

Johnson claims trial runs of his new, improved sub sandwich procedures have been mostly positive, and gone smoothly. “My new procedures have been tested and approved in Subway, Stuffy’s, Jerry’s Subs, Firehouse and Quizno’s,” he says proudly. “I hit a snag in Blimpy’s when the lady ordered me to stop staring at her, but I think a solution there can be reached as soon as I explain my new processes to the Manager.”