What did we do to incur his wrath?
Richmond writer and renowned hothead Don Harrison drove through Doswell last weekend and had nothing but terrible things to say, hurting all our feelings.
“Doswell – what a dump!” he smirked after arriving back at his fashionable west end Richmond home. “I’ve had more fun watching autopsies of loved ones – and I’ve watched a lot!”
Doswell residents are at a loss as to why the prominent Richmond celebrity is so belligerent toward their community. “He commented that while he enjoyed the comical redneck lexicon tattooed on my forehead,” says blogger Dale Brumfield, “He said the old English font was poorly thought-out. That really hurt – I spent days picking out that typestyle.”
Residents of the Dixie Treat Mobile Home Court were equally offended by the hostile visitor. “He stood at the front of the trailer court, pointed his finger and laughed at us,” says Manager Herthell Wedig. “He yelled, ‘you people live in trailers because you’re at the lower end of the socio-economic scale and behave as such!’ It was completely uncalled-for.”
Ramud, the one-named guy who works at the Stop-n-Go was also wounded by the antics of the big-city intruder, who turned his visit to the area into an equal-opportunity free-for-all. “He came in the store and walked around, picking up food items and looking down his nose at the expiration dates over these little reading glasses. He would smirk and harrumph in a condescending way, then he left without buying anything – like our perishables weren’t good enough for him.”
Even the Doswell Post Office couldn’t escape Harrison’s wrath. “He came in and asked what time the pony express left,” says postmaster Billy Rosen, dabbing tears from his eyes. “He then asked if he could send a teletype to Brant Rock, Massachusetts to announce the sinking of the Titanic. I don’t understand – we’re no more primitive than most small-town post offices.”
Harrison says it will be a cold day in Hades when he returns to Doswell. “Tell you what,” he says, “You go first and wait for me! Hah!”
