It’s been confusion from the word go for the James River Writers, a Richmond-based writers' guild who had their annual “Croquet Soiree” fundraising event abruptly transferred from the prestigious Country Club Of Virginia on Tastycake Lane (or some such old-Richmond west end address) to a grassy field formerly used as a dog lot adjacent to the Dixie Treat Trailer Court in Doswell.(Above: unknown Dixie Treat resident readies croquet yard)
“Croquet has been played in Doswell for years,” says Dixie Treat spokesperson Herthell Wedig. “We have ‘clothing optional’ matches every year on the third Saturday in July. But we promise to get the word out that clothing is not optional this time.”
There are almost as many explanations for the confusion as there are JRW board members.
Country Club Spokeswoman Schuyler Finley Bagbottom contested the guest list of the Writers' Guild, stating that she had been informed by the JRW that Virginia writer Tom Wolfe would be in attendance that day. Upon learning that Wolf would indeed not be present in his “smart casual” or ‘croquet white” mandatory clothing, Bagbottom withdrew the invitation. “We have a reputation to protect here at CCV,” she stated in soothing, well-heeled dulcet tones through a jutting, Virginia-bred jawline that screamed “prominence”. “We can’t have a bunch of, how do I say . . .bloggers, diary writers, sometime poets, letters-to-the-editor cranks, David Baldacci and other literary riff-raff clogging up the terrace lawn. It would be quite unseemly.”
“That’s an impertinent bundle of extraordinarily-presented half-truths, wrapped in the finest FFV floridness.” stated JRW President Lee Carter Glass Gimpel VII, who said the country club informed him yesterday that there was a scheduling conflict on June 11, and that the Terrace Lawn Manager had to take back some deposit bottles the day of the Soiree – a claim he now says is “unfounded”.
Gimpel went on to say that he initially did not contest the cancellation, saying that he thought the Soiree was being moved to the home of the Doswell family, long-standing country club members. “When they said Doswell, I naturally assumed it was the family, not the town,” said Gimpel. “I did not know there was a town by that name. I had to look it up. Dear God, it’s all the way past Ashland.”
Doswell’s Dixie Treat Mobile Home Court residents, however, are embracing the James River Writers’ Soiree, clearing the dog lot and making sure Floyd does not use it as his personal bathroom until after the croquet extravaganza. “We want those writers to know they are welcome to mallet their balls across our grass carpet any day,” said an elated Herthell Wedig. “We’re putting on our casually smart clothes this time and readying the Wine District a month early. Bravo! As they say!”
The JRW Croquet Soiree is June 11, from 6:30 – 10 PM or until Floyd lets his dogs out. Proceeds from the fundraiser goes to bringing more self-absorbed writing “experts” to the area to talk endlessly about themselves.
