Doswell Dad Gordon Wallace has been banned by his family from using the downstairs bathroom due to an unfortunate incident following a trip to their favorite Buffet restaurant.
(Pictured: The Wallace bathroom, before being ruined by dad Gordon)
“I kept telling the wife and kids on the way home that I didn’t feel right,” Gordon says from the comfort of the den in his home near Hewlett Road. “We ate at that ‘Don’t ask Don’t tell’ Chinese place. Chinese food gets in my stomach, it’s coming out, and it doesn’t care what direction it takes.”
“I didn’t actually think it was possible to physically scorch a toilet bowl,” says Gordon’s wife Harriet, “but Gordon found a way. I think it will have to be replaced.”
“Ew - the stink is in the curtains” claims 13-year-old daughter Holly. “I can’t have any friends over because if they use that bathroom I’ll like never hear the end of it. I don’t need my bathroom being talked about on Facebook.”
“Dad thinks it’s funny,” says 16-year-old son Chad, “but it stopped being funny about 10 seconds after it happened.”
The Wallace children claim they were alerted to the ruined bathroom after Gordon ran in, then remained for over 25 minutes. As he came he was waving his hands and recommending they “Better strike a match” and “Stay away for a while”. Four days after the incident the bathroom is still uninhabitable.
“If I can get back in there soon, I’ll have to strip it to the walls.” Says Harriet, looking forlornly at the closed door and listening to the rattling wheezing of the vent fan that has been running solid since the incident. “I ought to make Gordon do it. He’s the one who ruined it.”
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