Ashland Getting all the Good Press; Doswell Has Had Enough

Special Commentary By Dick Hudgins
News from Doswell Ombudsman and Op-Ed Editor

It is with much dismay that I have to digest yet another “glowing” story from the biased news media on the town of Ashland, Virginia. First, it was the television show Good Morning America which did a disservice to Doswell by DRIVING RIGHT BY IT on its way to Ashland for their saccharine report on “small town America”.

Now, I see that an Ashland resident appeared on The Price is Right May 6. I don’t mean to sound bitter, but I hope the tuba made the “Boop boop boo-boooooop” sound as he walked ashamedly off the stage, empty-handed because he screwed up a stupid simple game.

Ashland may arrogantly call itself the “center of the universe” (although that claim was soundly debunked by Doswell resident Malcolm Wiggins: see “Doswell Amateur Astronomer Disputes Ashland’s Haughty “Center of the Universe” Claim), but Doswell is still considered the “Spleen of the south-central Piedmont quadrangle” (No one can dispute that!), and it is high time Ashland residents roll over and let Doswell residents “come on down” to get their fair share of the positive national media coverage.

There’s more to small-town America than fancy coffee shops, quaint train stations and what must be a 16% sales tax rate. Try being home to 5 hotels, 5 convenience marts, 3 lumber yards, 2 cement plants and a fully-functioning rock quarry – like Doswell. And I am proud to report that Doswell has no town tax at all – Take that, center of the universe!

Doswell is home to Kings Dominion. And where is the giant, world-class theme park in Ashland? That carnival in the Ashland Wal-Mart parking lot last summer barely qualified as entertainment at all, especially after the brakes went out on the Scrambler ride and the riders had to ride 19 cycles until the carny could siphon all the gas out of the drive motor, finally bringing it to a stop. Naturally, I didn’t see any news coverage of that incident, but let a terrified fat guy bail out of the Rebel Yell and it’s front page.

We have reiterated over and over that Doswell is your home away from home, whether you are sportsman, businessman, leisureman or representative of the national news media. And to combat the avalanche of attention directed away from Doswell toward Ashland, Doswell is embarking on a national public relations campaign designed to downplay the negative aspects of our small town and make it at least sound more attractive – we want Doswell to be your destination town, not just a drive-by. Be on the lookout for our national public relations initiative, starting this summer. You’ll be sorry you didn’t.

Doswell – a beer name for a champagne town!©