“The future is easy when you live in the past.”Doswell oldster Wallace Carswell claims that back in the 1930s he was known throughout Hanover County as “Uncle Megawatt”, a futurist / scientist / philosopher / publisher / soothsayer / naysayer / doomsdayer who coughed a lot.
Not wanting the future to take any of us by surprise, Uncle Megawatt tried to warn everybody by publishing a quarterlymagazine, “Uncle Megawatt’s Futo-Rama Gram” (UMFRG) from 1936 to 1939. UMFRG was a curious mish-mash of unscientific heresy, misinformation, histrionic predictions and general psychotropic ramblings. Subtitled Assure Yourself a Front-row Seat in the Future, the booklets featured absurd futuristic figments of Uncle Megawatt’s questionable mental status presented as truth.
One booklet dated 1938 warned that as early as 1955 readers may need to prepare for such calamities as spontaneous melting, giant robots that steal both our furniture and our “precious” zinc, contracting germs from touching mutants, getting hit on the head by a white dwarf star and swelling up the size of the Chrysler Building.
Other prophetic tidbits included “experts” predicting that by 1965 a space colony on Neptune, with the kind permission of the resident Argon people, will house the same number of earthlings equal to that of the New York Post readership. Also, renegade robots will try to make off with our nation’s zinc supply, but thanks to fast acting giant rhinoceros beetles, trained by federal officials, this threat will quickly become only a menace.
“I stand by my predictions.” Carswell said from the comfort of the Saddlebags Nursing Home near Montpelier. “And in a few short months, when we usher in 1955, we’ll see who’s right or not.”
He then offered me and his daughter Erna Carswell a seat. “Sit there,” he said, “No, not there . . .Hack! Hack! Hack! . . . here . . .no, no, over here . . .well, OK, there . . . that’s fine.” He also asked that there be no pictures, even though this reporter’s son was on standby with his cell phone and the flash ready.
After being seated and informing him that the year was 2009, not 1954, Carswell quietly looked at his slippers, then went on a rambling explanation of yesterday’s dinner at the home, which included sliced turkey, stuffing, green beans and a bun. “I told them I knew that bun was going to be tough.” Carswell said, continuing his habit of predicting the future, despite living 55 years in the past.
Mr. Carswell’s daughter, Erna claims her dad was famous in the western Hanover area during his years as a futurist. “He always had a knack for guessing what was going to happen. In the 1920s, people were always coming to daddy, asking him when the next full moon was going to be, and what time the train would be arriving in Ashland and what not.” She said. “After a couple of years he got more confidence. That’s when he took the made Uncle Megawatt, made the costume and started touring.
“By the way,” she added proudly, “Dad wasn’t talking about last night’s dinner just now. He just described next Friday’s dinner menu! He’s still got it!”
Uncle Megawatt’s costume was a variation on a stereotype wizard concoction, complete with flowing black robe and pointed hat emblazoned with stars and crescent moons. “He tried growing a flowing white beard, with mixed success,” Erna says. “Hair wouldn’t grow on his chin, so he only had these stringy white strands hanging from the sides of his head and under his nose. He looked bizarre, but it really only added to the mystique.” He also carried a long black staff, not so much to complete the wizard look but to gamely “pole vault” over puddles. “He was a child at heart.” Says Erna.
Megawatt / Carswell’s predictions took a markedly more flamboyant tone following the notorious 1935 “Doswell boxcar incident”, when he was struck not once but twice by a runaway C&O boxcar as he stood in a dip between 2 small inclines near the Doswell yards. According to legend, and to daughter Erna, Carswell was whacked once, then a second time as the boxcar stopped and drifted back again.
Local Man Struck Twice by Runaway Boxcar Screamed the 50-point hot lead headline in the May 2, 1935 edition of the Doswell Exponent-Intelligencer newspaper. ‘Didn’t see it coming’ claims victim.
When told by this reporter that any futurist worth his salt may have seen the runaway train coming, Erna ignored the query. “After getting hit, he got really out there with his predictions,” says Erna. “He also became quite paranoid, and seemed to lose track of time. But, during all this time, he never quit coughing.”
The few surviving copies of UMFG are highly prized by collectors, or would be if anybody knew about them. They are currently kept in the Dixie Treat Mobile Home Court Archives, and are available for viewing by appointment only.
