Doris Yeats, of Old Ridge Road in Doswell, claims a “100% success rate” keeping kids out of her yard by yelling, pointing and wagging her floppy, drooping tricep in the kids’ direction.
“I can stand there all day and yell ‘You kids get out of that yard’ with no effect whatsoever, but when I raise my arm and shake that hanging, trembling underarm wattle they bolt like frightened cats.” She says. Yeats claims of attempting over the years numerous methods of chasing the recalcitrant kids out of her yard, with no or very limited success.
“I tried asking them nice, I tried ordering them, I tried threatening them with calling their parents, but none of those really worked,” she claims, “but it seems when they see my arm rise up, my finger point and my flaccid upper arm meat start swing and sway, by golly that scares them off.”
Yeats reports she found out months ago by accident the effectiveness of waggling her dangling tricep muscle. “While I was yelling at those kids one Saturday the basting spoon in my hand dropped. As I attempted to grab it before it hit the ground I heard the kids gasp, then run back home.” She recalls. “I made the connection between me bobbling that spoon and the kids’ reaction to it.”
Yeats reports she will continue to extend her arm and agitate her limp, quavering mud flaps as often as needed to keep the kids at bay. “I can’t argue with success.”
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