Nitwit Doswell teen Mark Johns admits that his decision to gobble 16 of the Viagra tablets a friend found in his Dad’s dresser drawer and chug an entire bottle of Feen-a-Mint liquid laxative was a dare he should have walked away from. (Left: Johns in happier times)
“I will admit to errors of judgement in accepting that dare,” states a contrite Johns, who 36 hours later still exhibits symptoms of his idiotic bet. “I normally do not indulge in such silliness, and boy am I paying for it now.”
“I didn’t know Johns had it in him,” says a snickering Russ Cruikshank, the classmate at Patrick Henry High School who suggested the bet. “He‘s usually such a dork, always carrying his clarinet everywhere and talking endlessly about Stargate 7 or something. I totally thought he would never do it.”
Johns says the worst aspect of the dare was that he missed an entire “B”-day and two study blocks because he was seated in the bathroom. “I had no idea I had so much detritus inside of me. But it’s all gone now, I assure you.” He freely admits, “In fact, I had to check in the toilet to make sure I didn’t blow out something I physically needed.”
The most embarrassing event was on a study date that night at a female classmate’s home. “I had to take a 20-minute sit at her house, with her dad and three brothers in the next room.” He says sheepishly. “I could hear her dad and brothers laughing, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep things quiet, if you know what I mean.”
“I don’t know what was inside that fella,” says the anonymous date’s dad, a Beaverdam resident, “but it sure come out a-hollerin’.”
And what of the effects of the Viagra? “Apparently 16 Viagra has the reverse effect of taking just one," according to Johns. “My – you know, my thing – shriveled up like a piece of over-boiled asparagus.” He admits with much embarrassment. “I sure didn’t get the three-day woody I envisioned.”
“That can be true,” according to Dr. William Bleasdale of Western Hanover Family Physicians. “Taking more than one or two erectile dysfunction tables, such as Viagra or Cialis, can have the reverse effect and be dangerous. It was very foolhardy of Mr. Johns to accept that bet, or any bet involving controlled substances.” Dr. Bleasdale continued to lecture a mortified Johns for thirty minutes on the dangers of priapism and other drug-overdose related side effects, wagging his finger in his face for emphasis.
“Well, the whole thing sucks for me anyway,” adds Cruikshanks, who is working part-time shoveling horse manure for a Montpelier farmer to pay back his dad. “Nobody told me Viagra costs, like, $20 a tablet, and health insurance doesn’t pay for it. My dad was really POed. This blows.”
“I will admit to errors of judgement in accepting that dare,” states a contrite Johns, who 36 hours later still exhibits symptoms of his idiotic bet. “I normally do not indulge in such silliness, and boy am I paying for it now.”
“I didn’t know Johns had it in him,” says a snickering Russ Cruikshank, the classmate at Patrick Henry High School who suggested the bet. “He‘s usually such a dork, always carrying his clarinet everywhere and talking endlessly about Stargate 7 or something. I totally thought he would never do it.”
Johns says the worst aspect of the dare was that he missed an entire “B”-day and two study blocks because he was seated in the bathroom. “I had no idea I had so much detritus inside of me. But it’s all gone now, I assure you.” He freely admits, “In fact, I had to check in the toilet to make sure I didn’t blow out something I physically needed.”
The most embarrassing event was on a study date that night at a female classmate’s home. “I had to take a 20-minute sit at her house, with her dad and three brothers in the next room.” He says sheepishly. “I could hear her dad and brothers laughing, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t keep things quiet, if you know what I mean.”
“I don’t know what was inside that fella,” says the anonymous date’s dad, a Beaverdam resident, “but it sure come out a-hollerin’.”
And what of the effects of the Viagra? “Apparently 16 Viagra has the reverse effect of taking just one," according to Johns. “My – you know, my thing – shriveled up like a piece of over-boiled asparagus.” He admits with much embarrassment. “I sure didn’t get the three-day woody I envisioned.”
“That can be true,” according to Dr. William Bleasdale of Western Hanover Family Physicians. “Taking more than one or two erectile dysfunction tables, such as Viagra or Cialis, can have the reverse effect and be dangerous. It was very foolhardy of Mr. Johns to accept that bet, or any bet involving controlled substances.” Dr. Bleasdale continued to lecture a mortified Johns for thirty minutes on the dangers of priapism and other drug-overdose related side effects, wagging his finger in his face for emphasis.
“Well, the whole thing sucks for me anyway,” adds Cruikshanks, who is working part-time shoveling horse manure for a Montpelier farmer to pay back his dad. “Nobody told me Viagra costs, like, $20 a tablet, and health insurance doesn’t pay for it. My dad was really POed. This blows.”
